“Let’s not forget that it’s you and me vs. the problem. Not you vs. me”.
Why are couples have more relationship problems today, than they ever did before? There several factors that contribute to relationship problems and divorce. In fact, there has already been 800,000 divorces in 2020 alone! First, let’s talk about the top 10 reasons relationships often don’t work out.
1)Arguments 2) Communication 3) Infidelity
4) Traumas 5) Lack of Trust, Respect & Appreciation
6) Money 7) Sex 8) Boredom
9) Children/ Parenting Conflicts 10) Growing Apart
At one point or another, you will have issues in a relationship. That’s normal and to be expected. The good news is that any problem can be overcome, if you and your partner are willing to identify, discuss and make the needed changes to improve the quality of your lives.
Where do we even begin? COMMUNICATION! One of the biggest problems in relationships is communication. Ask yourself, “What happens when I want to talk to my partner about the things that are important to me”?
Can you convey your message effectively? Do you feel listened to, really heard? We spend 45% of our lives listening. How well are you attentively listening to your partner when the are talking? Are you giving them 100% of your undivided attention? Does your body language support your ability to listen? Are you willing to compromise?
“Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows. Relationships fail because people take their own insecurities and try to twist them into their partner’s flaws”.
When you realize that your relationship is far more important than your differences, you work harder to strengthen your bond instead of tearing it down. This involves forgiveness and acceptance when one or the other makes mistakes. You fight, discuss the issues, you learn something new about your partner, strengthen your relationship, then let it go. Holding onto past problems only makes the current one that much worse. Real relationships are not perfect, and “perfect” relationships are not real.
Aim for progress, not perfection, or you’ll be disappointed every time. A little bit of progress each day adds up to big progress over time. Ask yourself, “Will this matter in a year from now”?
We cannot control someone else’s thoughts, feeling’s or behavior. We can control how we respond to them.
Healthy, successful relationships strive for:
– Unconditional Love & Respect
– They make time for each other, such as a routine date night .
– They say, “I love you” every day.
– They work on effective communication & attentive listening.
-They always kiss goodnight.
– They never go to bed angry.
– They give each other space, & make sacrifices.
– They laugh and cry together.
– They don’t compare or judge one another.
– They accept, respect and forgive each other.
– They work through their problems-not focus on them.
– They always have each other’s back.
– They do fun, spontaneous things for each other.
– They check in with one another throughout the day.
– They make time for intimacy.
– They don’t confuse sex with love.
– There is not any abuse or domestic violence.
– They have the ability to compromise.
– They feel safe & secure with their partner.
– They can TRUST eacother and they don’t keep secrets.
– They don’t take each other for granted.
– They celebrate one another’s accomplishments.
– They make short-term & long-term goals together.
– They always try to make the relationship better.
– They are patient with one another because change takes time.
– They focus on effort, not speed.
– They don’t criticize their partner’s friends/ family.
– They do not gossip about their problems with others.
“Always Remember~ Someone’s effort is a reflection of their interest in you”.
COMMUNICATION + TRUST = A RELATIONSHIP THAT WILL LAST A LIFETIME.
Closeness cannot occur without honesty. The honest to God truth is that no one is perfect all the time. We all have our quirks, moods, attitudes, and personal issues. Far too often our own problems flow over and become relationship issues. This is life; this is part of being in a relationship. If you are looking for the “perfect person” with a happily ever after fairy tale ending, there is no such thing. It’s about finding someone you care about and love as much as they care about and love you. It’s about fighting for the relationship to work, not focusing on what isn’t working. It sounds so simple to achieve, yet at the same time it’s so hard.
“A relationship is like a house. When a lightbulb burns out you do not run out and buy a new house. You fix the lightbulb”.
So many hearts are broken every day. It’s so important to be with someone who respects you and thinks you are beautiful inside and out; Someone who makes you strive to be a better person – someone who believes in you, inspires you, and knows your real self-worth; A partner who never gives up, and always tries to resolve the problems. And, someone who accepts you for you, and isn’t always trying to change you into to someone you are not. Respect, respect, respect!
“A strong relationship requires choosing to love each other in those moments when you struggle to like each other”.
I cannot promise you that I can “Fix” all your problems. But I can promise you that you won’t have to face them all alone.